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I even told her about my cross-dressing when we were in highschool.Clarissa was understanding about it. She helped me come to terms withthe fact that it was a part of me that I could not deny. I in turnprovided her with a shoulder to cry on when she had a fight with one ofher many boyfriends. I tried to help her with them, but I could neverput myself in her boyfriend's mindset. Outside of attraction to women, Isimply could never understand the way men think.I had a string of open-minded girlfriends over the years. None of themknew about my cross-dressing, but I'm sure they all had theirsuspicions. They all knew my girly interests. The relationships allfollowed the same course. They were fun at first because I shared somany interests with the girls. Then I would get bored with them. That'swhen we'd break up.I guess I wanted the relationship I had with Clarissa plus sex. That'swhat I was looking for in a girl. I knew I'd never have that withClarissa. My attraction was not reciprocated.. ”“But what if he doesn’t want me after that?”“Then he’s an idiot. No, he’s a fucking idiot. Or a no-fucking idiot!” I chuckled. “Seriously, if you’re serious enough about Gene to take that step, then tell him. If you freak out when he’s making love to you, how is he going to feel? Or what if you freak out afterwards?”“True,” she sighed. “But how can you take this so calmly, Steve? Doesn’t it bother you?”And that was part of the problem. She was still convinced that she had to remain faithful to me if she wanted even a remote chance of marrying me.“Bethany, I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t jealous. But that doesn’t mean it bothers me. I told you before that it will have no effect on us. None. Everything is awesome with Kara right now, and I expect it to stay that way. Maybe that’s foolish, but I’ve had it up to my eyebrows with Fate and I plan to kick it in the teeth if it fucks with me and Kara! But, if Fate somehow has decided that you and I, years down the road, are supposed to be.
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